So in astrology, there’s this thing I learned about called Saturn Return. It’s when the planet Saturn completes its orbit for the first time since you were born. They say it happens in your late 20s and translates into a period of significant change and growth. Whether you call it a Saturn Return or just becoming an adult, that shit’s hard.
My Saturn Return is a Scarborough Return, moving back to the Toronto suburb I grew up in but spent most of my 20s trying to get away from. This city feels both familiar and foreign to me. It’s grown …and so have I.
In a few weeks, I’ll be turning 28 and I promised that this year I step into my power. The last few years, I’ve let myself feel small. I’ve let myself act small. Because it turns out, it’s a lot easier to accept the idea that you are not capable or good enough and that it’s someone else’s life path to do certain things that you should only dream about. I was so dedicated to my smallness that I allowed myself to be in environments or be around people that could continue allowing me to play that role.
I started re-reading my old blog posts and I remembered me at 22, the girl who graduated from university and felt very stuck and said, fuck it, I’m going to move to London, UK all by myself with no job and the little savings I have, despite the fact that most people she knew at that time didn’t think it would work out. She was naive in a lot of ways but also just fearless. She didn’t just talk about moving to London, she did it. It was by no means easy but it was worth it. What started as “I’ll try for one year” ended up as more than two years in London before moving to New York then Montreal and back to Toronto. Not to mention all the travels and adventures in between.
So this year, I’m embarking on a different sort of trip. The one where I stay in the same spot physically but I travel away from the parts of me I no longer want to foster and travel away from the environments and people that do not ignite the fire I’m feeling. I want to work smarter, not harder. I want to conserve emotional energy for the people and projects that deserve it. I want to stop talking about doing, and just do.
With that, I share with you the start of a project that has been a long time coming – the Unpacking my 20s podcast – and I look forward to sharing more as this year unravels.
Lots of love,